Thoughts That I Have Had

Remembering

2010-06-22T14:18:00.000-07:00

I used to think
That I had been pulled down
by other people
to help them with their problems

That people could be monsters
and would only be defeated
if I looked deep into myself
and believed the world around me

and then I remembered
That was just that one movie
Space Jam

Balamb

2010-05-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

"You must be Balamb, cause your ass is talkin' to me..."

Probably

2010-05-12T07:10:00.000-07:00

I think,

"A chink in the armor"

...is probably medieval racism at its worst.

Prank

2010-05-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when your sleeping,
I dip my hand in warm water.

And pee on you.

Worship

2009-04-18T12:08:00.000-07:00

I used to think "Godzilla" by Blue Oyster Cult was a worship song, because my right speaker was broken.

Cover Band

2009-04-13T08:59:00.000-07:00

I want to start a Zombie Hall & Oats tribute band

...and we'll only play the song "Maneater"

Twitter

2009-04-08T09:50:00.001-07:00

Congratulations!, You are now following user: every_Colplay_songever

Vun vun vun vunvunvunvunvvnunnnnnnn
Vun vuh vuh vun vuhhhh
posted 3 seconds ago

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh nooooo
Ohhh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Oh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
posted 4 seconds ago

I wish I could find a reason to say
The way I feel on this cloudy day
posted 4 seconds ago

Vun vun vun vunvunvunvunvvnunnnnnnn
Vun vuh vuh vun vuhhhh
posted 5 seconds ago

Excitement crahin and thundaaaa singin
Flowers smellin and rain drops seeeeeeethin
posted 5 seconds ago

Vun Vun Vun vuh vun vun vuh vun vuh
Vun vun vun vuh vun vun vuh vun vuh
posted 5 seconds ago

Taco Bell

2009-03-24T19:53:00.001-07:00

I think Taco Bell should start an ad campaign called "stuff your emotions".

Tired

2009-03-05T08:54:00.001-08:00

Are you tired?

...Because you've been running through my dreams all night.

...away from me.

Hangover

2009-03-05T08:53:00.000-08:00

Trying to put on my belt in the morning during a hangover is like trying to solve a rubiks cube.

I'm stumbling around the room, crying and confused...

hoping some Japanese kid will come and help me.

Club

2009-03-04T12:57:00.001-08:00

I want to start a club called "Cripples for America"

...and our slogan would be "These Colors Don't Run."

Romantic Comedy

2009-03-03T09:28:00.000-08:00

Whenever I watch a Renee Zelwegger movie, I'm never sure if I'm watching a romantic comedy, or a nature documentary on the ugliest creature on the planet.

Accessory

2009-02-23T06:57:00.000-08:00

If you're an accessory to murder, you probably just helped make it look pretty.

Records

2009-01-22T20:39:00.000-08:00

Everyone celebrates when you break a record,

You'd think I'd be happier when you sound like one.

Blog

2009-01-14T21:51:00.000-08:00

I awoke, the plaster of my ceiling piled around me, the smell of my own blood mixing with the acrid stench of the spray adhesive that was coating my hands.

I guess my blog was wrong... "Something like Spider-Man" would not be appearing in the city tonight after all...

69

2009-01-14T21:47:00.000-08:00

If 69 is so sexy, how is 96 so lonely...

Gay Men

2008-12-31T11:35:00.000-08:00

I want to market a line of energy bars for gay men, and call them fruit snacks.

Captcha

2008-12-18T06:44:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I use words from captcha codes and sprinkle them in conversations to feel superior:

me: Yes, yes, I'm sure Jeff was feeling very gornable this holiday season.

Susan: Uh, I don't think that's a word.

Me: Don't be so hollacomble, Susan.

Pasta Miner

2008-12-18T06:39:00.000-08:00

I was sold into slavery
by a man made of spaghetti
down into the meatball mines

past the parmesan caves
and on past past the pools
where pasta sauce lays

I mined fettuccini
while whipped with linguini
and marinara sauce took my left eye

Coal

2008-12-18T06:37:00.000-08:00

I bet way back when, getting coal in your stocking was a way of keeping your family safe and warm.

...and was known as awesome.

Hindsight

2008-12-18T06:27:00.000-08:00

You know what they say,
hindsight is 60/40,

...if your terrible at remembering things clearly.

Sigur Ros

2008-12-16T09:02:00.000-08:00

I think the worst thing about Sigur Ros is
you'll start out listening to a song
and you'll be in your head,
marching to some sort of war with the claps and the music

...and then things are builiding up,
and suddenly you'll find yourself marching towards some great beast,
like a dragon, or a war with Sauron or something ...

but then, the song changes,
and you look around and find yourself marching in a gay parade,
and that dragon is a rainbow float,
and that Sauron is just some guy,
and he's dancing the salsa...

Grandmother

2008-12-13T16:05:00.000-08:00

I bet if my Grandmother wrote a children's book, it would be called:
"That Cute Puppy Made Me Laugh Like A Witch, And Other Stories"

Christmas Carol

2008-12-12T12:29:00.000-08:00

Baby Jesus and boughs of Holly
This Holiday we all feel jolly
Everyone feels merry and gay
but what's that sound, coming this way?

Jesus Christ, it is a Christmas Lion!
Grab the children, keep them from crying
To our woe here prowls a beast
Under misteltoe and ready to feast
Jesus Christ, it is a Christmas Lion on Christ-mas-day!

Who dyes his fur red and green?
It's the scariest thing that I have ever seen
Quick! Everyone hide under the tree
The Christmas Lion has broken free

Jesus Christ, it is a Christmas Lion!
Hide the children and keep them from crying
To our woe here prowls a beast
Under misteltoe and ready to feast
Jesus Christ, it is a Christmas Lion on Christ-mas-day!

Sleigh bells ring and a lion roars
A seasonal demon knocking down our doors
Who would thing a Holiday could go so wrong?!
When he finishes the eggnog we'll be done

Jesus Christ, it is a Christmas Lion on Christ-mas-day!

Chain Texting

2008-12-10T13:14:00.000-08:00

Via an anonymous text message:

Anonymous: Fwd: FWD: FWD: God saw u struggling. He says its over. A blessing is comin ur way. If u believe in God send ten ppl. Don't ignore. Your being tested

Me: No, we're not. God just stole 10 cents from both of us.

Dorito Banshee

2008-12-09T06:48:00.000-08:00

Dorito Banshee
screaming through the night
for delicious chips
of orange dusty delight

a crunch of perfection
a scream from behind
the banshee is here
with hungry designs

crinkly bag
a lust for taste shall be my doom
the banshee is here
haunting this room

shall i give her my chips?
no i shall not
now i shall die
by the dorito banshee, i've been caught

Knowledge

2008-12-09T06:41:00.001-08:00

They all laughed at my extensive knowledge of Hawaii..

but who's the one laughing now...

WAIKIKIpedia.org

WWJD

2008-12-09T06:27:00.000-08:00

I want to market a line of WWJD bracelets with answers printed on them.

What Would Jesus Do? ...Possibly Celebrate Christmas AND Hannukah.

Movies

2008-11-26T10:09:00.000-08:00

I think Disney should make a movie just for dogs,
using CGI to make humans bark.

...And then, Satan can take his throne upon this fallen Earth.

Coming This Fall

2008-11-17T07:07:00.000-08:00

"We can rebuild him...we have the technology."

"Yes...but can you make him more romantic?"

"Er, sure."

...Coming this fall, to NBC!

"The Byronic Man"

Will Smith

2008-11-11T08:26:00.000-08:00

I've compiled a list of my favorite Will Smith quotes:

1) "AW, HELL YEA!"

2) "I have GOT to get me one of THESE"

3) "I MAKE TERRIBLE FILMS"

Love

2008-11-04T07:41:00.001-08:00

She loved you like an old man pees...
patient and without smiling.

Halloween

2008-11-01T12:16:00.000-07:00

Next Halloween I'm dressing up as Bambi's mother.

...Its pretty much just a smiling dear costume,
but every 30 minutes or so,

the sound of a gunshot goes off.

Social Networks

2008-10-31T14:07:00.000-07:00

I think the South should have it's own social network called "mahspace".
"I'm gonna add yew on mah mahspace"

Talent(less)

2008-10-28T12:25:00.000-07:00

Via g chat:

Michaela: people need to stop supporting their kids so much.

Me: exactly
if they can't do something tell 'em
"can i be an astronaught?"
"no. you cry in the shower."

Michaela: HAHA

Song

2008-10-27T12:00:00.000-07:00

Does anyone remember that one Jewish children's song?

"Hide the candle under the bushel (and Jesus isn't real)"

Candy Land

2008-10-23T10:17:00.001-07:00

I bet if there really WERE a world of Candy, it would have it's own Russia. Filled with Russian candy and desserts.

...And no one would go there.

Forever 21

2008-10-23T10:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Girl at Forever 21,

I couldn't help but overhear.

The reason that dress "fits weird" is it's a cheaply produced thin, half blended polyester and tissue mix material, cut by a machine in Indonesia.

...also, you're as big as the whale of Ninevah.

The Words

2008-10-23T10:09:00.000-07:00

And then she said the words... the words that I had been dreading all this time.
The words that made me flush toilets and dance,
made me throw raisins at the neighbors,
and kick small dogs and call them strangers.

She parted her lips and whispered:

"You have odd ways of worrying"

The Letter "J"

2008-10-06T08:51:00.000-07:00

If you mistype the letter "j" enough, anything looks arabic.
Example:

Without typos: This pineapple is delicious.

With typos: Ijj hajtjje Ajmerjica.

Pop Tarts

2008-10-06T08:50:00.001-07:00

I think Pop Tarts should expand their line of flavors to include "hot coffee".

...Because then the tagline could be:

"Mmmm it tastes like-AHFUCK-MY mOuTH!"

Dress Shirt

2008-10-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

When I put on a dress shirt, it's like adding garnish to a car accident.

..."hey everyone, this was supposed to be fancy."

JINGALINGALING

2008-09-26T13:27:00.000-07:00

JINGALINGALING
ravaged by my own broken heart
I stand fallen, up against this tree
my eyes soaked with memories
my hair twisted and dirty
wearing my bell suit.
JINGALINGALING
you left me for another
for a quiet place out by the sea
you left me when i put this suit on
you said the noise was disruptive
and so you left me
JINGALINGALING
I stare off towards the open ocean
hoping that you'll hear of me
as I walk across the moores I trip
an-
JINGALINGA-ow!cra-JINGALINGALING

Emo

2008-09-23T07:26:00.000-07:00

All music is emo if you cry during it for no reason at all.

Girl

2008-09-23T07:24:00.000-07:00

Dear 9th grade girl,

Saving the trees and/or animals won't bring your Dad back.

Wikipedia

2008-09-16T13:23:00.001-07:00

Can you imagine if wikipedia had youtube's design?

comment: aw shiz lol this shiz iz hylarious

comment: no, ray89 YOU are a fag. it's obvious you didn't read the aeticle in ? He died in 1889

comment: i think he died in 1889.

comment: hey boys great job! Cum see my info on article: carrots.

Awesome

2008-09-15T06:56:00.000-07:00

I like to think I'm pretty awesome.

...But it's only been five minutes, and I've already got urine on my new scarve.

Marriage

2008-09-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

I was married to the sea, briefly, though the marriage was never consummated.

Work

2008-09-13T09:45:00.000-07:00

I sigh and stare at all the paperwork littered across my desk.
The file cabinets are banging and screeching.

screams and scratches
emanate from a thread tied package sitting to my left on the floor.

I take a swig from my coffee mug, but of course it's already empty.

just another day, in the department of lost falcons...

Captain

2008-09-12T11:33:00.000-07:00

I've learned that it really throws people off
when you refer to them as "Captain"...

"Hey Captain, I think we should see other people."

Mistake

2008-07-23T10:11:00.000-07:00

You make one mistake, and people call you a corpse thief.

Kiss

2008-07-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

I kissed you unexpectedly,

in the hopes that you'd kiss me again to take it back.

...I broke your arm, because I thought you might be a vampire.

Horror

2008-07-03T17:22:00.001-07:00

Actual Craigslist ad:
(click to enlarge)

My replies:
(click to embiggenate)

Criterion

2008-07-03T17:10:00.000-07:00

Why isn't there a criterion collection DVD for any of Ice Cube's films?
Like Friday? Or even Next Friday?

"In THIS mothafuckin' scene..."

Interview

2008-07-02T14:03:00.000-07:00

During a job interview I think it's a good idea to research the company AND the interviewer as thoroughly as possible.

"Did you know, your mom didn't actually want to have a baby?"

Braces

2008-07-02T13:58:00.000-07:00

An old person wearing braces is like an old cat wearing a wooden tail.

...there's no point, and everyone is staring.

Post-it-Notes

2008-06-27T12:51:00.000-07:00

You'd be surprised what you can do with Post-it-Notes

at least, you WILL be...

when you wake up...

Windbreakers

2008-06-17T08:22:00.000-07:00

Why do old people wear windbreakers?

Do they sit around trading stories?

"I was fifty-three the first time the wind broke upon my chest..."

Jealousy

2008-06-11T14:05:00.001-07:00

I'm not jealous.

I just want to outlive everyone else who ever touched you.

Lying

2008-06-10T16:49:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if your lying,

and men CAN'T have periods...

...then I wonder how you make me bleed.

Pancakes

2008-06-03T07:46:00.001-07:00

pancakes, pancakes
who wants some pancakes?
I want some pancakes
oh shit! oh shit!

pancakes pancakes
who wants some pancakes
those are way to hot!
oh shit! oh shit!

we need some pancake insurance
up in here
we need some pancake insurance
up in here

1 Million

2008-06-03T07:45:00.000-07:00

1 million seems like a pretty good number

...unless you're talking about bodies.

Cool Quote

2008-06-03T07:44:00.000-07:00

via AIM:

Ryan: give me a cool quote for my work bio!
Ryan: something ridiculous.

Todd: sometimes life is like killing a dead body, it's just pointless.

Todd: life is like a box of chocolates, and star wars episode I was terrible.

Baja Fresh

2008-06-03T07:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I'll be sitting around at Baja Fresh, eating a burrito, when I imagine the government watching me.

"That's him," they'd whisper. "That's the guy everyone wants,

..the loneliest man on the planet."

Axe

2008-06-03T07:22:00.000-07:00

via walking around the store:

Sarah: (sigh) why don't they make an Axe body spray for girls?

Todd: ...because it'd just be called "whore".

TV Movies

2008-05-30T10:29:00.000-07:00

via AIM:

Me: can we write a children's tv movie called "double dang"?

Joey: ha
Joey: that sounds dirty

Me: that's what you said about my last idea
Me: penises of fire

Precious Lover

2008-05-27T11:48:00.000-07:00

precious lover
precious lover

if we were ghosts we'd haunt this house together
make ghost love
as we float above the ether

can ghosts make love?

i don't know
i don't know

but if we were dead I think I know we'd try

precious lover
precious lover

if we were monsters
we'd live under the bed together
make monster love
and never stop ever

can monsters make love?

i don't know
i don't know

but if we were scary beasts i know you know I'd bet we'd try

precious lover
precious lover
you healed my heart with a stitch

precious lover
precious lover
you always scratch that itch

precious lover
precious lover

if we were witches
living in the dark woods together
I'd run the fuck away from you
and never stop ever

I'm sorry, but I've been scared of witches for like, forever.

precious lover
precious lover
you and i can't miss

precious lover
precious lover
except if you were a witch.

Dear Woman,

2008-05-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

Dear woman walking in front of me in the mall,

If you walk any slower we're going to end up going back in time, and I don't want to be stuck in the cretaceous period with some slow FUCK of an old woman.

Circumstance

2008-05-23T07:47:00.000-07:00

is a circumstance whenever a Jewish man poses naked?

Starbucks

2008-05-16T08:50:00.002-07:00

Things I like to say out loud at Starbucks:

1) i didn't really care for the Garden State soundtrack

2) do you know their's a BRITISH version of the office? ...I heard it's not as good.

3) Is the plural form of glide, glid? I think it's glid.

Adam and Eve

2008-05-15T08:20:00.001-07:00

Everyone thinks Adam and Eve shared an apple, when in my mind, it's far more depressing to imagine the fall of man involving a banana.

-mE!

Sunday School

2008-05-15T08:04:00.001-07:00

I thought I'd try my hand at writing a new Sunday school song, y'know, for all the little Christian chitlins:

Moses leads the Jews
with his peanut butter gun
boom boom boom
goes his peanut butter gun

Moses prays to God
when Pharaoh has his fun

Pharaoh's gonna learn to fear
the peanut butter gun

Moses leads the Jews
with his peanut butter gun
boom boom boom
goes his peanut butter gun

Moses prays to God
and God kills Pharaoh's son

Pharaoh's gonna learn to fear
the peanut butter gun

Nashville

2008-05-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

I thought the city of Nashville could use a new slogan:

Nashville: "Satan's Chicago", where the locals call Satan "Stan", and Nashville, "Stan's Chicago".

Kids

2008-05-12T15:11:00.000-07:00

Every kid thinks the same thing before they get hurt,

..."you know what I think i could do?"...

Sesame Street

2008-05-09T09:38:00.001-07:00

I think girls think I'm a lot like Grover, from Sesame Street.

...Nice guy, but you don't really want to have sex with him.

Driving

2008-05-06T11:17:00.001-07:00

I know it's just coincidence, but whenever I'm driving, every time I start singing the Power Rangers theme song, like clockwork, I hit someone.

Recurring Memory

2008-05-06T11:13:00.000-07:00

I have this recurring memory of searching through our new house for my "winnie the poo" coloring book.

Also, one fourth of July I cried so hard my Dad left.

Curse Word

2008-05-06T11:11:00.000-07:00

I once made up my own curse word and yelled it at everyone, secure in the knowledge that no one would now I was cursing.

But then I got in trouble at school, because the word I came up with was "murderfocker".

Secret Scout

2008-05-06T11:09:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, my friend Mark told me that the dinosaucers had come down and made him a secret scout. He even gave me a little communicator and told me I could be one too.

...It's been twenty years, and I think Mark was just being a dick.

Globe

2008-05-06T11:07:00.000-07:00

Have you ever taken a globe of the world,and spun it?
And then used your fingertips to pretend that you can tap dance across the world at the speed of light?

Don't.

...You'll only be disappointed, when you remember that it can never happen.

Burglar

2008-05-06T11:06:00.000-07:00

I guess it'd be kind of odd to tell you guys
I sleep in a homemade cardboard robot suit

...But I keep waiting for a burglar,
and the nightmares he'll have afterwards...

Girls

2008-04-16T08:23:00.001-07:00

i think most girls think the same thing when they see a guy

...i could dress him better.

Amnesia

2008-04-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

I must have some sort of amnesia, because I can't remember anything positive from my childhood...

Christian Fiction Novel Pitch #2

2008-04-03T16:00:00.001-07:00

Dear Zondervan Inc,

As the premiere publisher of Christian fiction and literature, please enjoy the enclosed treatment.

I also sent you one another, and have yet to receive word.

Yours in Him,
Todd Michael Rogers

Pushing It To The Limit
By: Todd Michael Rogers

Dakota Macfannen is the world's greatest race car driver, after a terrible wreck (do to his "pushing it to the limit") Macfannen becomes a drunkard and all around washup, no one will let him race.

One night while praying on his hands and knees to God in a junkyard, Macfannen stumbles upon a living, talking, VW Bug.

This VW Bug, possessed by the spirit of our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus, talks Macfannen back from the edge, and together, they win the big race.

Possible Idea: A red BMW possessed by Satan, Lord of Darkness.

Possible Title Ideas:
"Pushing it to the limit"
"Jesus Car"
"VW Jesus"

Christian Fiction Novel Pitch

2008-04-03T15:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Zondervan inc.,

As the premiere publisher of Christian fiction and literature, I hope you'll enjoy the treatment you'll find enclosed:

4th Cross

By: Todd Michael Rogers

We all know that Jesus was crucified on the cross beside two criminals, my novel asks the question, what if Satan, Prince of Darkness possessed a common criminal from the 24th century, traveled back in time, and died on a fourth cross, NEGATING the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior?

Possible title ideas:

4th Cross
Future Cross
Double Cross
Satan's Scheme

Couch

2008-03-31T11:42:00.000-07:00

I think my couch eats change,because I've been sitting here for days and nothing feels different.

Laughs

2008-03-19T08:29:00.000-07:00

Everyone is laughing at the bible study, having a good time, until I take it too far and yell without thinking,

"I just imagined you farting so loud your pants fell down!"

...the following silence is deafening, and I know, deep inside, that Jesus has left the room...

Voice Journal 3/14/08

2008-03-14T08:22:00.000-07:00

CLICK.
Bob took the last bear claw and walked back into his office, that FUCKER.
CLICK.

CLICK.
I don't think he's eaten it yet...I can't stop thinking about it...it's TWO hours till lunch...that FUCKER.
CLICK.

CLICK.
my new goal is to sneak into Bob's office, and steal the bear claw back from him.
CLICK.

CLICK.
using mathematical equations scribbled down on napkins and lunch receipts, I believe I've found a way to create an illusion suit, which should render me invisible.
CLICK.

CLICK.
Okay, using hundreds of post-it-note "flip books" covering my entire body, I plan on running quickly enough that each booklet will present an animation, (firework or sword fight) the ensuing chaos of so many moving images SHOULD be enough to shut Bob's mind down and blank out my appearance.
CLICK.

CLICK.
shit. he saw me.
CLICK.

Grandfather

2008-03-13T08:21:00.001-07:00

I'll never forget the words my Grandfather said to me that fishing trip,

"Sometimes I sleep with a knife taped to my dick, in case I'm attacked by a sexy burglar."

Wreathed in Darkness

2008-03-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

wreathed in darkness
i sit and stare into my macbook

i lift my dark talons
and search across google

"dark wizards nashville todd"
0 results

tonight i bathe in shadows
eyes burning with sorrow

Last Night

2008-03-12T11:58:00.001-07:00

Last night I finally got the incantations just right, and was able to summon my first ice dragon.

And yea, maybe my roomates'll be pissed, when they come home and find that I've turned the thermostat up that high, or see that much water damage coming out from under my door.

But they shouldn't have laughed when I told them I wanted to devote my life to the dark arts...

...Plus, that thing beat the shit out of me.

Skip Rope

2008-03-12T08:52:00.000-07:00

Sean and I have decided that the children of today need new skip rope rhymes, so here's his and here's mine:

taco party
taco party
everybody it's a taco party

frank didn't bring no tacos
frank didn't bring no tacos

kill him
kill him with an alligator
kill him with an alligator

taco party
taco party
everybody it's a taco party

Paul didn't bring no cheese
Paul didn't bring no cheese

hurt him
hurt him where he makes his children
hurt him where he makes his children

Engaged

2008-03-11T12:24:00.000-07:00

I changed my Myspace profile to "engaged"and this is what happened:

Laser Gun

2008-03-11T12:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I dream I'm at a party, showing people how well I can sound like a laser gun with my tongue. In the good dreams, they clap and laugh, impressed. in the bad dreams I remember I'm dreaming, and wake up alone in my room, my sheets smelling like piss.

Clothing

2008-03-07T11:07:00.000-08:00

I don't wear "only black" ...

This isn't a shirt; this is a vestment, a robe of spun hatred...
my converse are ripped and shredded from my travels of torment...
my jacket armors me from the arrows of mine enemy...

and my pants... are from Target.

Entertainer

2008-03-06T10:23:00.000-08:00

confidence is shattered

no one showed up to the gig

children are screaming

i don't know what i did

i've lost half my act

and the parents think I'm awful

i thought God wanted me to be

a children's party entertainer/ deadly snake charmer

Tribute Band

2008-03-06T08:20:00.000-08:00

I want to record a Red Hot Chili Peppers tribute album, with all proceeds going towards hypoglycemia.

It'll be called "Low Blood Sugar Sex Magik"

Lawyer

2008-03-06T08:19:00.000-08:00

I would make a terrible lawyer.

"You're Honor, this shit is soOOOoo gay..."

PSA's

2008-03-04T09:01:00.000-08:00

As an experiment, I think PSA's should start using reverse psychology. Imagine these as billboards:

There are over 15 thousand acres of rain forest left in the world, why can't we cut faster?

Drugs: Your older brother turned out well enough...

Flight of the navigator wasn't THAT bad.

Hotline

2008-03-03T15:55:00.000-08:00

I want to start a suicide text hotline,

...and the number would be 1-800-dntdoit